If Game of Thrones Characters Wore Watches
The new season of Game of Thrones has just returned, and it’s about the most exciting thing to happen this year, to be honest. Season 7 is gonna be turnt, and I mean like Lemonade-turnt, 4:44-turnt. (I need to start hanging out more with people my own age.)
In the run up to this momentous premiere, I amused myself with a little thought experiment — videlicet, pairing Game of Thrones characters with watches. My choices all represent my interpretation of these characters, so you may not agree with all (or any!) of them. I’m not changing my mind, though, so go write your own list or something if you disagree with mine. Don’t @ me.
One of my favourites. She’s stealthy, and a new kind of warrior. She was brought up in an old-school, swords-and-lances family, trained in the Braavosi religious assassin’s guild, but takes the best of both and goes her own way. She will pop up behind you and get you right in the heart before you’ve even realised what’s happening. Which is also how I feel about the MB&F Horological Machine N°4 Final Edition.
Everyone loves Tyrion (except his own family, awww). He’s the antihero everyone roots for, in a show with antihero overload. He’s highly intelligent, sarcastic even to his fans, appears to be fairly low in the family hierarchy but has a formidable reputation and cachet out in the world. Also, he’s a lot tougher than he looks. He gets a Patek Philippe ref. 5522A Pilot’s Calatrava in stainless steel.
The dragon queen in exile, equally at home in palaces or among savages. Has rabid admirers who will do insane things for her. Kinda new at the whole ruling thing, but doing a fairly awesome job of roasting all visible opposition. The first of her name, so let’s give her something from a brand named for its founder — Richard Mille. It’s got to be the RM 057 Tourbillon Dragon. Bonus: it goes nicely with everything she wears, even her stupidest outfits.
Oh this is a good one. The watch, I mean, not Littlefinger, because he’s generally considered to be an asshole. But hey, who said assholes can’t have nice things? Let’s face it — the global luxury economy would collapse if assholes weren’t allowed to buy nice things. Petyr Baelish is an agent of chaos; a troublemaker, if you will. People always overlook him in favour of more powerful nobles, but he will land on his feet every damn time. He’s the Jaeger-LeCoultre Master Tourbillon. That watch pissed off a bunch of people when it first came out, but it also made everyone step their game up.
Melisandre of Asshai
This one is pretty straightforward. She wears the H Moser & Cie Swiss Mad Watch. Yes, the one with the case made of cheese. The cheese is old but it’s preserved via some coating and treatment that Ed Meylan told me about but I’ve forgotten the details of (sry bruh). Melisandre is way old but preserved by some equally mysterious process (magic; it’s probably magic). The purpose of the Swiss Mad watch is to raise funds to safeguard the watch industry; Melisandre, whatever else you think of her, is trying to look out for humanity. She’s seen the White Walkers coming and she’s not a fan. There’s the red thing, of course. And who else would you assign the Swiss Mad watch to, other than someone who’s clearly fucking batshit crazy?
OMG, Hodor. If you didn’t cry, or at least squinch your face up and make an ugly cry face when he died to save Bran, you’re a monster. He held the door! He’s heavy, he’s loyal, he can take fifty beatings and still rage through a tsunami of wights, he’s channelling his past self and there’s really not many in this world like dear Hodor. He gets the Panerai PAM00599 Luminor Marina 8 Days Special Edition for Revolution Magazine 10th Anniversary. Well done, good and faithful Hodor.
This is an ode to the fallen. Margaery was smart, she was shrewd, and her only mistake was assuming that everyone else would play by the same rules she was playing by. Classically beautiful, but with her own standout style, a mix of pragmatic lines and seductive curves; she’d be a grand(e) date if she ever got herself a Tinder account. She’s gone now, gorgeous kween, but there’s plenty of fans (myself included) who wouldn’t mind seeing her brought back. She’s the A. Lange & Söhne Arkade.
You know nothing, you guys. Jon Snow doesn’t wear a watch. His watch is ended, fool!
The other Starks:
Catelyn gets a Cartier Crash, for surviving a fatal encounter and being more fabulous than ever. Comes in regular (mechanical) and Stoneheart (quartz) versions. Benjen gets a Tudor Heritage Ranger, because obvious reasons. Sansa looks soft at first and then springs last-minute Vale reinforcements on you, surprise motherfuckers! She gets a Blancpain Ladybird, small but mighty (also because of the lady and the bird thing).
The other Lannisters:
Let’s not lie to ourselves, the entire Lannister family probably wears Patek Philippe. Tywin — patriarchal, imperious, brilliantly strategic powerhouse Tywin — gets a ref. 5370 Split Seconds Chronograph. Jamie and Cersei get his and hers Nautilus watches, because of course they fucking would.
Brienne of Tarth:
Honestly, even though Brienne is not from any of the traditionally prestigious houses, she is ironically the best knight of them all. Chivalrous, honourable, respects the Westerosi Ser Code. She’s not into complicated plotting, she does one thing and slays at it (literally). She’s a Philippe Dufour Simplicity.
Unlike Jon Snow, he knows everything. Highly complex, one of a kind, gives zero fucks about what you think and just plays his own game. Kinda large. The Vacheron Constantin ref. 57260.
Mother of the Sand Snakes, always poised to strike. The De Bethune DB25 Quetzalcoatl.